Afterlife

  AFTERLIFE   saying no what the holy spirit never taught me   wine glass my testimony becomes obsolete   bisexual undoing every prayer   hand-me-downs my sister and I trade religions   street preacher I count myself among the damned   make-up sex what would have been grace   stargazing what I thought wasContinue reading “Afterlife”

Scryptic Magazine 2.2

half moon we discuss my deficiencies     night vigil her pulse monitor the only star     blank wall memorizing every crack     Nothing is Free “Be Happy” admonishes the bumper sticker in front of me. I try. Hell as my witness, I try.   dinner party unzipping my pill case    Continue reading “Scryptic Magazine 2.2”

lost miracles

lost miracles   We weren’t trying to get pregnant. It wasn’t until the anatomy scan that we knew she would be alright despite the Lithium.   unexpected guest I sweep the dirt under the rug   Hours after birth they pull her off my breast. The medication we thought was safe, still isn’t.   freshContinue reading “lost miracles”

beyond the pale

beyond the pale   It was days after our daughter’s birth that we decided to leave. We set up an exit strategy that took months of careful negotiation to pull off. Explanations of theological differences were cited. Lies about being “called to the workforce and out of ministry” were given. Anything we could grab atContinue reading “beyond the pale”

present and accounted for

present and accounted for   Sitting in the nursery, reading all your current favorites, we sink deeply into one another. This moment,while your whole body still fits snugly into my lap, makes me almost forget. Your weight, your warmth, is a balm to my mind. I almost forget the pills I take three times aContinue reading “present and accounted for”

waiting

waiting   I watch the yolk break and run into the egg white. They don’t know that I’ve spent the morning fighting back tears of depression. I call out that breakfast will be ready soon and ask them what they want to drink. Watching the eggs bubble I wonder if I should have ever hadContinue reading “waiting”

2 Haibun in Scryptic

Thrilled to appear in Scryptic Magazine 1.4 with 2 haibun!   Homeward Bound I overhear the character on my daughters cartoon show ask, “Do you know what’s in the box”? Well, do you know? It’s my broken spirit. My bubbling anger. My frustration over having a perpetually messy house, with no energy to fix it.Continue reading “2 Haibun in Scryptic”

matricharcy

*TW: the following content contains references to sexual abuse   she tells me the size of his penis hello puberty   breakfast with grandma the trust fund stays open   ballet every day her pipe dreams in me   playing Brahms her sincerity off-key   ptsd the echo of her laughter   french tipped nailsContinue reading “matricharcy”

Inside Out

sins of the flesh her illness becoming mine   speaking in tongues my rite of prostitution   visions of jesus no one suspects psychosis   bible study we learn how not to feel   closed doors all the little lies i told   heavy breathing he tells me it’s the lord’s will   discipleship iContinue reading “Inside Out”